It’s not OK to brag

As a new mom I have noticed a strange phenomenon that took me by surprise. Telling other new moms about how easy your baby/new life is is shameful.

Everyone will listen to you about how little your baby sleeps, how much they cry, how hard it is to sooth them, how little sleep you are getting, how much you get shit on, how much your baby protests the bath… the list goes on and on. Everyone will hear the struggles of your new life. There are a plethora of blog posts about any difficulty you can imagine.  Having a problem? You are not alone. There are a million other moms who have gone through the same thing.

I am sympathetic to struggling mothers but I haven’t experienced their difficulties and that is an unpopular thing to say. New moms want to know that every new mom is struggling. The truth is that not every new mom struggles. Sure, I have some bad evenings where she wants nothing but to be held on my shoulder. I have driven home with a screaming, crying baby in back of the car. BUT my daughter only cries when necessary and, even then, I have yet to see her to wail more than a handful of times. She naps easily in her swing, she nurses without struggle, she is easy to burp, she has taken the bottle so I can go out, she seems to be hitting milestones.

Can I tell other new moms about this? Nope.

I get it. I do. I wouldn’t want to know that someone has an easy baby if all my baby did was cry but it can be lonely on this side of things too. Of course I can tell the positive things to my parents, in laws, husband, siblings, but not to new moms. This sucks. I spend a not insignificant amount of time with new moms. It’s nice to talk about your baby with people who are in the thick of it with you. Unless it doesn’t feel “thick” and you get the side glances and annoyed looks when you tell the woman you just met that your baby has been sleeping through the night since the midwife said she was gaining weight so well that you didn’t need to wake her to nurse.

Yeah, my baby is fucking amazing. My mom likes to hear this. My husband likes to hear this. My new friends do not like to hear this.

I guess I better pick and choose who to brag to. I want mom friends and I will sacrifice bragging about my baby in order to make them. Mark my words, though, once our babies are kids I’m going to brag like fuck about how my screaming toddler used to be a sweet, silent baby.

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