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Please stop screaming at me.

You are hungry. You are tired. You need to eat and sleep. Just fucking eat and sleep. Stop streaming at me and just do what you need. I’m not stopping you from doing what you need. Please just eat. If you just stop screaming at me and eat you will fall asleep. See how that would solve both of your problems? I have the answers. You know this information. I know you know.

I’ve spent the last three days watching too much TV while my baby sleeps on me after she screams at my breast before eating. There is nothing rational happening in a baby’s brain. Thank goodness she is so damn cute when sleeping on me. Now if I could just ignore that I haven’t been able to clean in two days…

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NEVER wake a sleeping baby

Last Thursday I made a mistake. I woke up my baby to serve my own needs.

Adam’s work was having a Hallowe’en party and families were invited to participate. I wanted to take my baby to this party to show off just how cute she is. The whole day was fairly successful, actually. She had been sleeping for about 45 minutes when I moved her from her swing to her carseat. She fell asleep again in the car seat and was a peach while at the party. I put her in her wrap about an hour in and she fell asleep again. The rest of the day was fine. She was pleasant and fun and napped on and off.

And then bedtime. Fucking bedtime. An adult who had not gotten enough sleep during the day would just go to bed. Babies don’t work like that. Of course they don’t. If they are tired and needing sleep they scream, refuse to nurse, have to be burped over and over again, have to be rocked, etc. Fuck that “etc”. Babies are hard.

I thought Thursday night’s problem was that she was exhausted. Nope. Turns out it was just the beginning of shitty bedtimes and the end of reliable routines. Every night seems to be a different problem.

Friday – “We are doing a good job. She went to bed without fuss!”

Saturday – “Great. Screaming. One more huge burp and a nurse to finish off the night.”

Sunday – “Maybe I didn’t drink enough water. She clearly has gas but she won’t nurse to help it. Bicycling her legs isn’t working. Oh, she just wanted to cry for an hour before nursing emphatically for an hour straight. I guess I’ll eat dinner at 10:00 pm.”

Babies are like a game of Fluxx. Just when you think you have the perfect cards to win the game, the baby changes the goal card and changes all the rule cards in one go. Fluxx has never been my favourite game.

I just compared my baby’s habits to a card game. Adam will be so proud.