Of Course.

Of fucking course.

All week little Beans has been having a rough time going to sleep at night. Sometimes I’m in there from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm being a human pacifier, burping, changing diapers, calming, watching The Guild on YouTube. I have been in and out of the nursery every night this week. All I have wanted was to have enough energy to play a game with my husband. Or even have a conversation where I can pay complete attention.

Aaaaan of course. It is currently 8:45 pm and Beans has been asleep in her own crib for an hour. An entire hour. Aaaaaaand of course Adam is out tonight. The one night he goes out in the last two months without me and I have been out of the nursery since 7:45 pm. That has been unheard of!

I wish I had any ability of foresight with this. I could have invited my friends over for some drinks. At least then I wouldn’t be drinking this beer alone.

Not that there is anything wrong with drinking a beer alone.

I wish I knew how I managed this. Maybe it’s the lack of naps today. Maybe it’s the fresh air from the evening walk. Maybe it was Goodnight Moon. I will never know and likely never be able to repeat it.

I’m wallowing in my own self pity and my baby’s ability to have the worst timing in the world.

There was a little bit of good tonight.

I am watching Girl, Interrupted. I did not watch it as a teenager and can only assume that it is because of all the language and dangerous escapades and serious lesbian overtones. Youth Pastor Daryl would never have approved.

I got to have a really nice, long conversation with one of my very best friends. Long distance relationships are hard. She lives on the opposite end of the country and I miss her a lot. All the time. I wish we could spend so much more time together. But I will survive with long, hilarious, heartfelt phone calls.

I gave myself a mini-pedicure.

The most important one – I relaxed. I didn’t spend my “alone evening” cleaning or tidying or doing laundry. I just sat down, turned on this great movie and ate my pizza and drank my beer. I relaxed.

Adam’s going to be so mad he missed this quiet evening….


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