It sucks. It sucks so much.
My kid is awesome when awake. She’s joyful, funny, silly and adventurous.
But when it’s time to take a nap she turns into the worst kind of beast.
I always hold out hope that nap time will go well. She holds still while I change her diaper. She drinks her bottle without fussing while I read her the same ol’ stories (I could recite Welcome Baby in my sleep).
And then I try to put her to sleep. And how dare I?! How dare I try to get my kid to nap when she’s tired. I walk her, I bounce her, I rock her, I rub her back, I say “shh” so many times it has lost all meaning. She still will not go to sleep.
So sometimes she gets to cry to sleep. And that makes me feel like a bad mom. I cry outside her room while she cries inside her room because I can’t do anything to calm her down. She just needs to fall asleep and I’m distracting her not helping her. I cry outside her room listening to her cry “mama” knowing that if I go back in there right away she isn’t going to go to sleep. She is going to cry louder and harder and wake up. I know that if I just wait 5 minutes I will hear her calm down and relax and finally go to sleep. But those 5 minutes are the fucking worst. I feel like I’m failing her. I’m failing her in that moment.
Bedtime is ok. For some reason bedtime is fine. Sometimes a few minutes of crying but it’s not really crying. It’s more like whining. Which is totally easy to listen to . I can listen to the sounds of her whining to sleep any day.
But the crying at nap time. Will nap time ever not be like this? Probably. Does it suck right now? Fuck yes.