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I Don’t Know How to Let Go

I have now been told by three different medical professionals to “take it easy” over the last 6 weeks. Have I taken it easy? Honestly, no.

I don’t know how to take it easy. Because that means more work for other people. How am I supposed to sit back and just enjoy being a parent when there is so much to do? How do I not feel like I’m letting down everyone?

My work is suffering and I hate to admit that. I’m usually very good at my job but lately it seems like any little thing is taking more energy than usual.

My house is suffering. We are moving in 4 weeks and it just feels like there is little progress in packing or just maintaining our lives.

My husband is suffering. Not because he’s having to pick up the slack but because he’s been watching me not take it easy and has been watching me break down regularly because I refuse to take it easy and then push myself beyond my limit. Physically and emotionally.

For the next three months my job is to grow a human. And that is all. I will allow other people to help me. I will stop trying to do stuff like lift the heavy groceries into the house or even do an hour long grocery shop. I will stop trying to pack all the boxes. I will stop. I will sit down and relax.

I will remind myself everyday that I am not being selfish by being selfish. I am protecting this unborn daughter fiercely. That is my new mind set. I am already mama bear to this creature who will not stop kicking me. I will be selfish because I’m the only one who can be selfish for her still.

I will let go.

I will let go.

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